Another Day in Heck
by Murder in the Moshpit
Summary: High school never ends... or so it seems to the Akatsuki, who are trapped in it. AU, high school, high levels of sarcasm, and extreme crack. Second chapter is up- Science class with Anko. Oh, joy.
1. The Flight of the Demon Bus

I don't know if I'm going to update this anytime soon. I just had this sitting around and wanted to post it. Chapter two is half done, but I don't know when it'll be all done. No tengo Naruto.

xxxxxx

An ominous tire screech, exhaust belch, and brake squeal announced the bus's prescence.

The creaky bus could be heard up to five miles away, and not simply because its testy metal anatomy threatened to violently collapse and any given moment. Rather, it was the inhabitants of its angrily groaning framework that caused the uproar. To the casual observer on one of the more frequently traversed roads, it might simply seem that it was a traveling petting zoo that was whoosing past, at speeds astonishing for a decrepit hung of machinery so shaky. After all, the bus was shaky at best. On bad days, approaching it without proper protective gear against implosion was suicide.

Three tiny freshmen, the last to get on the dreaded bus every dreaded morning, clambered through the perilously swinging doors. They ducked quickly, timing it exactly to avoid a guillotine effect. "Everyone on?" the driver, Morino Ibiki, hollered. No other prospective victims appeared, and the current ones were too terrified to reply, so he proceeded onto step two. "Good," Ibiki cackled, slamming the doors and imprisoning his helpless captives inside. Several plastered their faces to the smeared windows in a state of last minute panic. With wails of despair, helpless freshmen dove under their hideous green seats as the ominously creaking yellow death trap went from zero to one-sixty in four seconds flat, and shot over the first of many hills.

In fact, the only occupants of the bus that didn't even look the slightest bit afraid for their lives as the bus zoomed merrily onward was a group of grinning juniors in the back. Unlike the others, these particular individuals weren't clinging to the first solid object they saw in panic, confessing their sins to anyone who could hear them over everyone else confessing _their _sins, or wailing unto the heavens for divine intervention of some sort. They, on the contrary, looked rather amused at the whole situation.

"I love the first week of school, un."

The speaker, a blonde teen with a half-ponytail and bangs covering one of two thickly outlined eyes, was watching the scene with an air of slight malicious amusement. He put his heavy combat boots up on the seat in front of him. A tiny purple haired girl squeaked in terror as the unsteady seat gave way under the pressure, jacknifing and traggling her still struggling form under the patchy green seat and the blonde's boots. The owner of the feet now pinning the helpless child did not look unduly concerned. "I swear they get wimpier by the year, un. We haven't even reached the Speed Bumps of Death yet!"

At the words 'Speed Bumps of Death', several of the screeching prisoners leapt upon the grimy windows and attempted to prise them open. The windows stubbornly refused to budge.

"Hey, isn't that the window we glued shut last year?" a blue-skinned junior in baggy cargo pants and a surf shirt asked, pointing to a struggling and hollering freshman with odd whiskery cheek markings.

His companion, a mysterious-looking black haired male with red eyes and a trenchcoat, glared at him. "Ssshh."

The bus roared onwards, careening wildly onwards on its path of fiery yellow destruction, leaving a rubble trail of chaos for miles. Old ladies with walkers dove out of the way. Dogs barked at the screaming metal monster, which shrieked back like some primordial monster blasting out of hell for vengeance. The bus was truly a formidable foe, paralyzing all who happened to catch a glimpse of its terribly gleaming hide. The only exceptions to this were the nine snickering juniors. And, of course, Morino Ibiki, who swerved around hairpin turns and bumped over helpless curbs that never stood a chance.

At last, when it seemed that all was lost, the bus miraculously squealed to a shuddering halt in front of the school. Several teachers leapt for safety as, with a bump, the bus flew over a bush and landed directly parallel to the front door, after a record airtime.

Even the eyes of the security guard boggled as he witnessed the flight of the demon bus, a donut halfway to his mouth. "Well, that's something you don't see every day..." he muttered with a shrug.

After what seemed like a particularly hellish eternity, the dangerous doors swung open to admit the few survivors the passage to glorious freedom, on dry land. The smaller children in the front of the bus toppled out, landing in a crumpled heap on the sidewalk by the bus's tire-marked deposit area, where they were promptly trampled by the exiting juniors.

"Have a good day, children," Ibiki cackled, then shot off.


	2. The Explosion of the Psychopath's Lair

**Note- New penname. And after disappearing for a hideously long stretch of time, I AM BACK. This is Jadestone Aura, under a different name, with the Ridiculously Long Author's Note From Hell.  
Disclaimer-****I don't own Naruto, so don't sue me.  
****Explanation- This is the next part of this story... which I wasn't even sure was going to exist. XD. But here's the second chapter. Send me more ideas for things to happen in different classes, and there's more likely to be a third.  
Advertising-"Objection" has also undergone a major edit, and new and more creative chapter titles. Go check that out, even if I don't know if I'll post another chapter of it. Also, there's an edit/repost of "Overprotective".  
Request- Yes, I'm requesting a beta. I have a story that I really want to get up, but it needs editing. So check out the details on my profile, and if that sounds like fun to you then PM me. I'll love you forever.  
Apologies-I have the typical apologies- being gone forever, half-arsed chapter, shortness, etc. But I hope you'll like this next chapter. I wrote the first half a couple months ago, but never had the inspiration to finish it. And now, I did. And I'd go onto the typical begging for reviews, but I think that goes without saying. :3  
Enjoy? **

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On first glance, the classroom would have looked ominous. It would have looked such on second glance, and most likely on third glance, as well. Rows of cracking desks stood resolutely, covered in a wide and shiny assortment of dangerous looking items that could either be used for cooking something dangerous that should never be eaten, some obscure branch of science, or some sort of gruesome, dangerous, and more than likely illegal sport. In this case, however, it seemed like it was probably the second, as the classroom in question was none other than the science classroom. Although it really could have been any of the above, considering who was in posession of said science classroom. Behind the teachers' desk sat none other than the famous and/or infamous Mitarashi Anko, science teacher and professional psychopath.

Slowly the students filed in, scanning around nervously as test tubes filled with toxic-looking liquids bubbled ominously. Their eyes shifted to scalpels that gleamed even brighter under the fluorescent lighting than Anko's teeth, all of which were bared in a smile that could only be called purely sadistic- much like the owner of said very-sharp-looking teeth. In the back of the room, someone let out a groan of terror as they realized that once they'd come through the door, it was too late to escape the classroom and insane whims of its resident teacher. Anko reached for the attendance list, never once taking her eyes off of the students or her creepily wide smile off of her face. If she'd bothered to look down at the list, she would have seen that it contained names of students from three different grade levels, all slated to be her prey... but Anko was far more interested in said prey itself to bother with its technicalities. She was happy to see that the children looked suitably terrified...

...at least, until that one group walked in. If Anko had checked her attendance roster for something other than the name of her first victim, she would have seen that they were the oldest kids in the class... but at the moment, Anko was in the process of being suitably horrified over a cardinal sin that was currently occuring in the threshold of the clasroom. One of the children that had just entered the room- blond, heavy eyeliner, funny ponytail, possibly male- was SMILING. Well, it was more like a smirk, but to Anko they were one in the same when observing an inferior. This was not right. Anko's classroom was her lair of darkness and doom, and therefore hers to command. Nothing besides looks of fear and terror were permitted on anyone in this room... well, besides Anko herself, of course. The nerve of that kid- SMILING. Anko allowed herself a small, indignant huff. SMILING, of all things. SMILING.

Anko got to her feet as the blond kid and the rest of his group took over a table in the back, which a silver-haired kid immediately put his feet up on. Anko scowled. She'd have to hurt him later. But more pressing matters were at hand, like the fact that there was still a SMILER in her classroom. "You!" she barked, pointing at the blond. He looked up at her questioningly. "Yeah, you, punk. I don't like you. You'll be our... _disposable_." Anko gave the teen a sinister smile, before leaping back up on the edge of her desk, swinging her legs. Oh, the joy of being a teacher.

A few kids exchanged questioning and/or terrifying looks. A younger blond kid with whisker markings smirked in the ponytailed boy's direction, but was immediately textbook'd. Anko's grin grew wider at the display of violence. Now _this_ she approved of. Wasn't she worried that they all might finish eachother off? No, not in the least. In fact, this would make her job easier... at least, the task she'd given unto herself.

Absently, she reached for the attendance sheet, looking it over for the first time. Holy Jesus, what did people name their children these days? Naruto? Wasn't that some kind of fishcake? Pein? What was _that_ supposed to be? Apparently, all the children had learned their bad judgement and overall stupidity from their parents. Now Anko's parents- a set of fine, upstanding people. Anko was a fine name, suitable for a fine child... one with psychopathic tendencies, a dangerous looking smile, a thirst for blood, and a science class to teach. The purple haired sensei shook her head, tossing the attendance sheet carelessly over her shoulder. No need to be formal, or anything. "Anyone dead?" she called out, getting the class's attention. "No?" she scanned the room, unwilling to believe this. That might be a first. She scanned the room. All the seats seemed to be filled. Anko pouted huffily. "Well, that sucks..." The class stared back at her, a bit confused. Upon the sight of their innocent faces, Anko brightened, reaching for a ruler. "Well, you will be soon!!"

With this cheerful statement, the science teacher headed towards the blackboard and whacked it emphatically with her ruler, causing over half of the students to jump. "Alright, listen up! We'll be doing both chemistry _and_ a dissection, since I couldn't decide which was more dangerous. So, any questions? Yeah, you, ugly kid."

"Umm, yes, why aren't we following the curriculum?"

"It was safe and therefore boring. Any more questions? Yeah, you, ugly punk over there."

"Just for clarification, what are we dissecting?"

"The next person to ask a stupid question. Anyone wanna run the risk of being that poor sucker?"

"M-Miss Anko-sensei ma'am, I don't feel good anymore, can I go to the nurse?"

"Nope, stay here and die so that I can teach the class how to do an impromptu autopsy. Any other questions? No? Good. Let's get started. Everyone in place?" Anko grinned brightly, reaching for the fire extinguisher. "Just wanna have it close..."

Half of the class sunk even further on their lab stools, much to Anko's glee. After all smoke, being heavier than air, tended to sink lower towards the ground... Anko's delightful mood was spoiled, however, at the realization that the stupid shemale blond kid had his hand up again. Anko sighed, preparing for her ears to be blown off by overwhelming stupidity. "YES, Disposable?"

"Uh, yeah. I wanted to ask for the traditional last smoke before facing execution, un..."

"Nope!" Anko said cheerfully. "You're sitting next to the crate full of flammable chemicals, and only I'M allowed to blow them up."

"M-Miss A-Anko???"

"Yesssss...?"

"I-Is the bottle of nitric acid SUPPOSED to be dripping into the bottle of acetone?"

"That depends. Is the classroom SUPPOSED to blow up?"

"...Oh shit."

After a bit of difficulty, the class had been relocated a few rooms down, where the smell of smoke wasn't quite as strong. Not that they were there very long. During the simultaneous dissection and chemical reaction testing ("no one's EVER mixed these chemicals before!"), a frog spleen ended up in the chemical mixture. As the students rushed to flee the building, screaming and waving their arms with a cackling Anko close behind (singing something that sounded suspiciously like "double double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble~"), Kisame turned to Konan.

"Mind sharing your hypothesis on why she's still around?"

"She helps with overpopulation."

"Ah."

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**Once again, I have no idea if there'll be more.... but review, and send ideas for other classes, and there's more likely to be more. :3**


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